The Thursday Blog

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Thursday Blog, featuring big laughs, hilarious jokes and an incredible talented performer who spent a good deal of time doing local comedy club gigs – complaining about how hard life was because he was a struggling comic and building up such a following led to international success; only to find out that there was no more new material left so he had to settle with starring in a few mediocre movies from time to time. This goes to show that positive comedy requires a lot more effort but it does last longer.

I am really starting to enjoy my new intros and the segue that come from it. Have you noticed that the featuring bit kind of links into what the episode is about, hence the segue. Sorry if this has ruined the magic behind it but when it comes down to it, all blogs are about smoke and mirrors.

Today’s episode is extremely fun, so let’s get into it. It is called:

“One liners – not just for laughs”

August is a fun time of year. It is about the time my tax refund starts to come back, which is like finding money behind your sofa. You know the money is yours but you still get pleasantly surprised when it comes back to you. But more so then getting refunded the extra money your workplace has sent to the government during the year, it is also the time when the Kidshaper conference is on.

Last year was my first year and I was asked with two good friends of mine to do the announcements. This could of been an easy task if it wasn’t the three of us. Anyone of us by ourselves would of done a decent and slightly entertaining job. Seeing it was all of us though we were constantly daring each other to do more and more outrageous segments each time, so much so that before each session I would be almost sick with nerves due to what we were planning to do.

It started off simple with a straightforward reading-out of the announcements on stage with a few jokes. It built from there to include making up a song live on stage, doing a puppet show,  and the finale was using a flannel graph board to accurately communicate those announcements. That was a challenge.

One of those mornings we decided to do a news program filled with as many one-liners as possible. Here were a few of them:

“And here is the news -

A man from Sydney has had a freak accident at work and a buzz saw has cut hit entire left side off. He was in a critical position but the doctors say he is all right now.

In religious news the Australian national Atheist group have declared themselves a non-prophet organisation.

At the end of this session we will be giving out dead batteries, free of charge.

A magician appeared in Melbourne’s magistrate court today. He apologised and disappeared immediately.

5000 hares have escaped from the zoo. The police are combing the area.

As all good conferences have electives, here is a list of the ones available.

How to work in a muffler factory without burning out or getting exhausted.
How to become a comedian without people laughing at you.
How to work in a bank without losing interest.
How to become a doctor even if you don’t have any patience.
How to work as a fisherman and live off your net income.
How to be a tap dancer and not fall down the sink.
How to teach your children maths, without the problems.”

Now all of these one-liners are funny (except maybe the tap dancer one) and they all serve the purpose of getting a laugh. The concept of a one-liner doesn’t have to stay with comedy or in a bar trying to find a relationship.

I have tried to develop a list of one-liners to engage people. Whether it is to spark conversation with a “I hear that is lovely to visit (insert country or city) in the spring time”; or to show someone you are interested, with a ‘‘I have heard a lot about (insert line of work) but I have always wanted to learn more about that (insert same line of work)” . It could be as simple as learning one little fact on a range of topics. Every time I meet someone from Germany I simply say “What part of Deutschland are you from?”. It is amazing how much someone will warm up to you seeing you have bothered to work out what the real name of their country is.

Just like a joke, these are pre-thought, cleverly constructed lines that not only get a laugh but also help you connect with people.

Have Fun.

Dan

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Thursday Blog; with chapters filled with excitement, pages full of adventure, and a movie that isn’t as good as the book.

Books – Stories – Segue (It is kind of a lazy link hey)

Today’s episode is called:

At least it makes a good story – Waiting in Rwanda

There was the time when I was in Rwanda. Sounds really impressive to start off a story like that and it was really impressive…… until the final day. We had had a really amazing trip, visited so many people, spoke and encouraged the youth, and put on a rock concert that 30,000 people rocked up to.

When I say rocked up to, that is exactly what they did. The start time was at 5pm but at that time only a handful of people turned up. We waited and waited for more people with no luck. Because the band didn’t want to start playing their set to no-one, they sent out someone to fill in and entertain. That is right. It was me.

There were a group of 30 kids that I asked to sit in front of me and I started to perform for them. Behind them there were a few rows of people standing up, so altogether there were about 600 people watching me perform to these 30 kids. Forty minutes later when I got to my finale (I am still impressed I got through forty minutes as I had no microphone plus I couldn’t speak a word of their language); things were a bit different. As I climbed the shoulders of a man, to juggle, I noticed that the few rows of 600 people had grown to a sea of 30,000 people all looking at me, enthralled in the show. I tried so hard not to drop what I was juggling!

See this is common amongst the African people. Not that they love FMD though I am sure they all do; but that they have a thing called “African Time”, which is anywhere between 20mins to 6hours later. For example, on the final night of our 3 week trip, we were invited out for dinner at a lovely local man’s house. We were told to be respectful so we had to be waiting in the hotel lobby at 8pm. Our whole group were there, slightly dressed up, standing around waiting. 8:30pm came and we were still waiting. 9pm came, and we were still waiting and starting to sit down with 2 of us on the chairs in the lobby, the other 12 of us on the floor.

Our group leader called our host. He said sorry and that he would be 5 minutes. I am not sure if the word ‘minute’ was mistranslated because 9:45pm came and we were still waiting. Conversation was slowing fading and we asked if we could go to our rooms and come down when he arrived. We were told in their culture it is respectful to be waiting ready. Did anyone tell our host that in our culture it was respectful to pick us no more than an hour late; or if it is longer than an hour to let us know so that we could do something more productive in the interim; like going on MySpace (it was 2005) or watching re-runs of MASH??

After our leader made another phone call we found out that he was just around the corner. This was good news except that the word ‘corner’ must also of been mistranslated as he ended up arriving at 11:30pm and was smiling like nothing was wrong. Well something was wrong – we had been waiting for 3 and a half hours for dinner.

We piled into the back of a mini van taxi whilst our group leaders went ahead in our dinner hosts car. We traveled 20mins down a straight road and then turned down a tiny street that was very long, and then it was a further 15 minutes until we finally arrived at the host’s house. We had a lovely dinner (thought it was more closer to breakfast), enjoyed some great company and soon it was time to leave. We had all forgiven and forgotten the whole ordeal. It turned out that our host was so happy to have us for dinner he had been frantically making sure everything was perfect, so much so that we were eating at midnight.

Exhausted yet happy we piled into the mini van taxi. The host was about to follow us out of the tight street so he could then get in front on the main road and lead us back to the hotel. We drove off but the host person didn’t. We got to the main road and waited. 5 minutes, then 10, then 15. We called our leader who let us know that our host had had to show them something and they were still at the house. The car’s happiness left quickly.

I had had enough so I piped up and said ‘we can just meet you back at the hotel’, only to be told ‘NO. You could get lost’. LOST!!!!!!! It was one straight road!!!!!!

We were told to stay and that they wouldn’t be long. I said to the other people in the car ‘let me guess, they will be five minutes because they are just around the corner’…!

There was no life lesson I got from this experience but oh well. At least it made a great story.

Have Fun

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of The Thursday Blog; equipped with a rudder, mast and sail and a group of men trying to fish, who learnt from their father, who learnt from their father, who learnt from their father who wasn’t very good. So instead of researching proper fishing techniques they believe the best way to do it, is to use your cardboard as bait and fish whilst grooving to Abba songs. They are yet to catch a fish but they did all get parts in the local production of Mamma Mia.

As per usual I am going to take the intro and use it as a segway into today’s episode. Also as per usual I am going to spell segway the way I have just done. I think I have been doing these intros for a few months now and it was only last week that Dave Wakerley decided to tell me that the correct spelling of “the smooth transition from one topic to another” is spelt ’segue’ and that I have been spelling the motorised people-mover ’segway’ for a month now. Thank for taking your time to correct me Dave, now help me out one more time. How do you spell ‘Bad Friend’????

So the fishing boat intro segues into today’s episode called:

Don’t abandon ship, trade it in

Many people are confused about what I do for a job. In previous episodes I have revealed to the world that I don’t work for the affore-mentioned bad friend Dave, making kids productions that go around the world, but that I do that on a part-time volunteer basis. Nor do I work for myself full-time performing as Funny Man Dan (FMD), speaking at conferences and also finding time to write this genius blog. I am actually an Assistant Bank Manager.

I have worked for my company for 2.5 years now. I started as a sales consultant and after 10 months I got promoted to an Assistant Bank Manager. I did that for a year and then I took over the Store Manager role for 3 months as a secondment (fill-in) role. During that time it was one of the toughest times in work. I had just come back to work after taking a month off to be with My Princess and newly born Little Princess, only to find that my manager had moved on and I was asked to take over for 3 months. Those 3 months were extreamly valuable, I learnt a lot but it was very very hard as the entire store’s expectation of sales, compliance, staffing, policies and procedures fell on me. Part of me wanted out!!!

A job came up within the company that I was qualified for, that would take me out of a Store. I applied straight-away, thinking it would save me from my troubles. I received lots of interest back about my application and I thought I was set. Within a few weeks I would abandon this sinking ship and be saved. Well…it didn’t work like that.

Phone calls were made every few days to be told things were being delayed by another few days and my interview would be soon. Meanwhile I was still in store, working on bringing it to a good place, which I did successfully. Soon they appointed a new Manager to take over and I was moved to a different branch to resume my role as an Assistant Store Manager.

In the end the role I had applied for got withdrawn and I did not get the interview. By the time that happened I was okay with it. I didn’t need saving anymore as my ship was fixed and work was going great. I had passed on a great store to the new Manager and I had moved to another great store. I had passed through the storm and I was really enjoying my work. I was very happy to stay in my current role for many years.

But guess what, things don’t always happen how we think.

Another job came up in head office that a friend told me I should apply for. It looked good, but I was happy in my job but I thought I would apply anyway just to see. I clicked three buttons to apply as all my details were on the system from the last application and I forgot about it. I didn’t stess about it, or pray that it would save me. Funny enough, I ended up getting an interview and then a second interview a week later. Twice in my life already I have been interviewed for a role and received a call to offer it to me within two hours (when I was told it would be a day or two). After this second interview, this job became the third.

This is just perfect timing as now I am not abandoning ship, but trading it in, and I can pass on what I have achieved in my role to the next person who is taking it. This way was harder but much more rewarding.

So what is the job? Well if you thought it sounded hilarious that Funny Man Dan was an Assistant Bank Manager, it must sound even more so, that he is now a Senior Business Analyst.

Have Fun.

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of The Thursday Blog, with lights, hip hop music and that type of dancing that just looks like people are trying to get rid of a swarm of bees that are near them. I believe it is called Crumping.

I do remember watching a dance crew doing their moves and it was all fairly standard until the boys stopped the dance. With arms raised in the air they cautioned the crowd that something big was about to happen. The music rose then changed and it happened. Four grown men did what looked like attempting to take their shirt and pants off, just by shaking their body. Part of me said “are you serious”, but the other part said “are you kidding me, this is the greatest thing in the world!!!!!!”.

Speaking of the greatest thing in the world that is a nice segway into today’s episdoe. No, the topic has nothing to do with that phrase, but The Thursday Blog itself is the definition. Enough self-praise, today’s topic is called:

“Now you tell me”

If you can read this, leave a comment & say ‘ps. banana’ and u are a winner!!!!

Have you ever had something in life happen, where a little information could have gone a long long way and saved you a bucket load of time, money and in some extreme cases a pet giraffe?

I had one of those situations just the other day. Shall I tell you about it? No? Ok.

Have Fun

Dan.

……………

…….

…

.

Now that that random person who said no is gone, I can tell the story to the other 893 million people who are still reading.

Let me start the story by letting you know I am a very attractive guy. For those who haven’t met me you might think “that is a bit of a prideful thing to say”, and those who have met me would think “that is a bit of an understatement”. You have read before, my secret to this attractiveness when I became the Sexy Beast but no matter how amazingly beautiful specimen of a man I was, there was always one thing letting me down – my hair.

My hair and I have an understanding. I don’t bother it and it doesn’t bother me and once every now and then I get it shaved off. I have tried getting style cuts because you sit there in the chair for an hour only to look at yourself in the mirror and see yourself as 15 years old. Plus due to my hair growing back so quickly (probably because I am the beast), a style cut needs another style cut in about 3.5 weeks. So now I get it shaved off and forget about it until I get an official warning from work (just a joke – I have a fantastic job though a bank manager with ‘just got out of bed hair’ doesn’t fly); then I shave it off again. So my hair and I are good friends, but it is what lies beneath the hair that is the problem.

Since a young boy I have had dandruff! Flakey, embarrassing dandruff that I would avoid anything touching my hair, as it had the similar effect of banging two chalkboard dusters together. This plagued me all through my childhood. My parents gladly would try and help and bought me expensive dandruff shampoo but it always seems to make it worse. It was like it brought it all to the surface and made my black hair look like a lamington. My grandfather had a better idea and put me on an old-school remedy that is guaranteed to work – Dog Soap. In my life I have washed my hair with over 10 bars of dog soap, only to still have dandruff (though it did get rid of my fleas).

I also sought medical advice, who simply told me to use Head and Shoulders for 20 minutes before my shower (oh the joy), and wouldn’t believe me when I said that dandruff shampoo made it worse.

So after over 20 years of spending an exuberant amount of money on shampoo, dog soap, and not being able to wear black shirts at work, I needed to get my head shaved again. I sat down in the chair and the hairdresser said “do you know that you have Psoriasis on your scalp?”

What????

“Psoriasis. It is like dandruff but needs to be treated differently. Whatever you do, don’t use dandruff shampoo, it just makes it worse”.

She told me to treat it with mint shampoo, conditioner and wax and it would finally get better. It was the best $12 I have ever spent.

We can learn one thing from this amazing hairdresser – you cannot underestimate the power of your knowledge. She thought that this was plain uninteresting knowledge, yet she shared it anyway. I have been getting my hair cut for years and not once did the numerous amount of hairdressers decide to say anything. They probably thought I knew.

What do you know? Please share your knowledge and experience with those you meet because you never know how much of a positive impact it can have. Now I just need to chat to a nose hair specialist.

Have Fun.

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of The Thursday Blog, filled with a camping tent, hiking boots and a pointed stick.

Most would believe that this is a segway into a camping story but instead the link is much looser using the second last word, in today’s episode called:

The Point of No Return

There I was, no older than the age of 15, still quite surprised to find myself standing on the edge of an 11 metre (36 foot) cliff-face being taunted. The wind was picking up, the sun had briefly disappeared and there was no way I was jumping off. That is why I was being taunted.

Let’s rewind for a moment

Waiting, waiting, movement, tight squeeze, bright lights, crying, sound of my father exclaiming “its a boy”…… Sorry, I rewound too far!

We were in a car on the way to Melrose Quarry. A former mining quarry that hit water, and now it was filled to the top of the massive hole with beautiful fresh limewater. An entrepreneur thought he could still make money with the quarry, maybe even more than the mining company; so he made it a swimming hole and charged $1 entry and each week tens and tens and tens of people would visit. The greatest thing about this swimming hole was that the cliff faces varied in size, so that people could jump off them into the water. That was the reason for our visit.

The friend I was with was a Melrose Quarry junkie. He had been many times and would often brag about the jumps he had done. I had only been with a holiday camp group and we were only allowed to jump off the small ones. My friend, eager to show off, took me to the dreaded 7 metre (23 foot) jump. He jumped off without hesitation. 20 minutes later I was still up the top and my friend had jumped off and climbed back up 6 times already, each time calling me a girl. Finally I jumped in the hope that it would put an end to this trip. Unfortunately it did not.

He took me to the complete other side of the quarry. We walked past the smaller jumps as I remembered a more safe and simpler day in my life. We then came to the one they called “The Top”, as it was the highest cliff-face that you could jump off. We looked over the 14 metre edge (46 foot) and both cringed. That was something that even my friend had not attempted. We kept walking and came to the second-highest jump standing at 11 metres (36 feet). My friend recently after many visits got the courage to jump off this one, which he did and taunted me from below.

Something on the inside clicked and I knew what I had to do…I picked up a massive rock and threw it down at his head…No, that is what I wanted to do, but my mind had something better. Next thing I knew I was climbing the mountain and I was looking down the 14 metres off ‘The Top’. All I had to do was get myself to the point of no return. But the point of no return was to jump off a cliff and that was way too hard. So I did something quite clever for a young man, I moved back the point of no return a few steps.

I knew if I ran towards the edge I would jump. But my body wouldn’t start running. So I decided on another step. I made up a chant and decided that when I finished that chant I would start running, therefore resulting in me jumping. I couldn’t bring myself to jump, I was too scared, but I could bring myself to start a chant. It did take me a few goes but after a few minutes, to the shock of my friend, I started my chant and then ran towards the edge and jumped. The car ride home was pure bliss as my friend sat silently whilst I smiled smugly.

I had forgotten about this life lesson as I don’t jump off many cliffs these days, until last week when I decided to start doing some push-ups. These are not ordinary push-ups but ones that work your entire body as it takes me 30 seconds to do one (I only do 4 at a time). It is almost impossible to get me to start these as who in the world wants to do push-ups. So I took it back a step. I have a song on my ipod that I decided if I start playing it, 10 seconds in when the music changes, I would start doing push-ups. It is hard to start the exercise, but it is easy to start a song.

So if there is something in life that you really dont like to start, then push the starting line back a bit and hit your task with a run-up!

Have Fun.

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to another incredible episode of The Thursday Blog, featuring relaxing salts, essentials oils, and a set of special potions for your bath that have been in your cupboard for 7 years which were a present and you only think to use them after you have had a bath.

Every time I go into one of those ‘body shops’ I feel like a fish out of water and I am at the mercy of the sales woman. I start by looking lost, having no idea what an exfoliator is, then I get asked if I can be helped and I blurt out that I am looking to buy something for my wife. I have no idea what happens next as it is all a blur. I walk out with presents in hand and a lighter wallet. Sometimes the sales woman has pity on me and leaves me with enough money for lunch, other times I walk out only to find my house has a second mortgage.

Like a good bath salt I am sure that that story was relaxing but it has nothing to do with this week’s episode, called:

“A new way of Networking”

Over the last few months I have been asked to have the honour of being a part of some #kidmin conferences. I have mentioned before that in February 2011 I will be a part of the awesome new and exciting Napkin Conference. Napkin is in it’s second year and @pastorjustyn is the mega mastermind who is daring enough to change up what a conference normally looks like and bring something fresh. If you are in the US and you want to catch up, then come to Napkin Conference.

For those in Australia I have just been asked to be a part of one of Australia’s best #kidmin conferences that can hold it’s own with the rest of the world. Of course I am talking about Kidshaper run by the #kidmin blogger of the year @robbradbury. I went last year and had so much fun and I have been asked back to run an elective and do some other fun stuff. So if you are in Australia or surrounding isles come over and catch up.

So how did this happen. Rewind a year ago when I was just starting up my blog again; with no invites, to no events, with no one. The answer is easy and you to can achieve it with this 5-step program………………. for only 5 payments of $19.95……………………….. plus $107,433 postage and handling.

Networking! This is a word I hear time after time. It is known by a few different names like business development or profiling; but the desired outcome is the same. See, if I can meet you and you become my acquaintance then you are in my network. Now I know that you know someone who is friends with someone, who is the nanny of someone, who is somebody’s important groundskeeper. This means if you are in my network I am one step closer to this important person. But this is not selfish because the person that I am using to get to the important person can use my network; and we all know that I know someone who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who knows someone who is Bob Saget. We exchange cards, we do lunch and we slowly advance each other’s goals.

I believe that networking was designed to be used only in the business world and should not go into your everyday life. I network at work but I can honestly say outside of work, with everything I do and to get to be a part of these Conferences coming up; I have never networked once. I use a more powerful method. It is called Not-Working.

The concept is simple – when I am at a party, at church, or on twitter, I am not at work therefore I have no motivation for gain. I am not meeting people because I am dependent on their business to survive. I am meeting people because I enjoy meeting people. I don’t search the room for who I know, who is high profile and how I can chat with them. I walk in and just meet whoever I meet. I am at a party, something which is meant to be enjoyable.

Now the person I meet may be connected with someone really important but who cares, I am not at work. Plus there is the big mistake all the networkers make. They look for those who are connected how ever loosely with someone important, and they forget that everyone is important.

I have made it my mission in my life to not-work and I have met some of the most amazing people. Yeah some of those people are classified as important, some even classify as famous, but that is not the point. The point is that if something is meant to happen, the right people will come to you at the right time. If you are too busy rushing around trying to find them yourself, you may just miss them.

Have Fun

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to another loving episode of The Thursday Blog featuring hope, joy and one of those flower things that are in the shape of a ball that you blow on, and they float away in the wind … except for one little bit that seems to hang on even though all the other bits flew off so easily, it is a wonder how it is still there, and after a few more blows it needs to be picked off.

Flowers are beautiful and I would like to share something special in today’s episode called:

Something so beautiful

On Sunday in the great land of Australia we celebrated our national treasure. No it was not the array of big things that are throughout our land, such as the Big Banana, the Big Pineapple or the Big Prawn (which can still be seen in the town of Ballina but the visitor centre has closed it down so it doesn’t feel like an Australian icon when you can’t buy tacky souvenirs); but instead we celebrated mothers for it was Mother’s Day.

This Mother’s Day was very special for us because this was our first mother’s day that we got to spend with our incredible 5 month old Little Princess. As we celebrated I realised something. I am very lucky.

I am not sure if you understand who my Princess is. When I first met this incredible woman I was blown away by her beauty, her passion for life and her love for people. We became very good friends for awhile until I realised that I didn’t want to hang out with anyone else besides my best friend. During our time of friendship and dating I have been able to witness this woman grow and change. I saw her develop strong self-confidence as she discovered how truly valuable she is. I witnessed her sense of humour develop into a comedic genius that could put me to shame if she really wanted to. I have seen her become a home-maker as she blessed our marriage with building our home where ever we would live. But over the last year I have been able to witness something incredible. This is something so beautiful that it is breathtaking. I have witnessed my Princess become a mother.

I am gifted with words but my gift does not have the power to describe such a sight. The creation of a mother is something that will astound this world time after time. From the moment my Princess was pregnant she started to change. Yes she started to look different but it was more than that. It was like time stopped and she was operating under a new way of life. She knew our child deeply and her whole body was nurturing and protecting our little one. She moved slower, but with patience as now her choices affected both her and our child. She operated on a different level that I had never seen.

My Princess loves, and that is what she does best. When I first met her I couldn’t help but notice how much she loves her family. As we grew closer together I have never been left wanting for her love and almost six months ago I witnessed an amazing sight. The day she held our Little Princess in her arms I knew it had gone to another level.

It has been amazing to witness how she loves. She doesn’t just love with her words but she loves with everything she is. I have seen how she talks to our child, how she dresses her, changes her nappies (diapers), feeds her, reads to her, and never complains about her. I have seen her yawn, exhausted from tiredness as our child cries out, but still gets up to smile at her and bless her with her love. I can’t believe that I have been receiving this love for years yet it is only until I see it shared with someone else that I can learn to appreciate it more.

Happy Mother’s Day my Princess. Thank you for being the something so beautiful that I get to look at everyday.

Hello everyone and welcome to another revealing episode of The Thursday Blog, featuring back-up singers, full stage band, and a small boy who beatboxes and technically is classified as just above average; but because he is young and cute and the only beatboxer in his town he is hailed as a prodigy. His name is Dale, and he is coming up after the weather.

So what would you like to have on today’s episode? It is your choice. Simply copy and paste the body of the episode into a word doc, and replace any key words on the topic I will be airing with the topic of your choice.

The other option is just to enjoy this week’s episode which is quite good but I still wanted to give you the option.

Today’s episode is called:

Slowly getting better, slowly getting harder.

The time is 4:40am and my Princess says to me those all-important words: “She is up”.

For all the parents reading this they would know exactly what I am talking about. That little child that you love with all your heart has totally forgotten about the talk you had to them about proper sleeping times; and they are up early and depending what age they are, they want milk/food/toilet/play time. My Little Princess being 5 months old wanted food and then by request of my Princess, a Nappy (diaper) change.

I said to my Princess at 4:40am “good luck” and rolled back over and fell asleep. Next thing I knew I was up out of bed and my Princess was asleep. How did that happen? Oh yeah, I promised last week to cover the morning feeds and the bit about saying “good luck” only took place in my head. Luckily my body didn’t listen to my mind and got up immediately. Some could say I am a hero for taking on the morning feeds, but those people are probably husbands who think by elevating me to hero status it means they don’t have the same responsiblity.

Wife: “Did you read this week’s episode of The Thursday Blog? Maybe you should do the morning feeds”.

Husband: “Yeah, but I am sure that guy can fly and hold up burning buildings. There is no way you can put that same expectation on me”.

The truth of the matter is my Princess is the super hero spending her days caring and nurturing our special one and seems to do it with ease. Me on the other hand, is really good at hugs and play time but at all the other stuff I am a rookie. She is able to feed her, change her, play with her and cook dinner all whist juggling 3 balls and a chainsaw. It really is amazing to see someone do something that they are just made to do.

I am getting better at the feeding, but the nappy (diaper) change I am still getting used to. It is not the actual mess that gets me or the clean up required; it is that we are now in winter and it takes me forty minutes to take off all the clothes she is wearing to change her. Plus I want to know who in the world designs these baby clothes. Every single piece of clothing has a different button up style and you need a degree in trigonometry to work them out!

So after 2 weeks of these early mornings feeds (which are usually at 6:00am, it was just this morning I got extra lucky), I am tired.

Life is tiring and I believe it is designed to be. I have just started this year exercising, and I am taking it slow. I am just getting active and it was only until recently that I am trying to be a bit more specific in my training, instead of playing super hula hoop on the Wii Fit. After this first training session I hated it. I was so bad at it and I was tired after. But after a while I started getting better and guess what….. so did the exercise. The exercises got harder so the effort from the first session didn’t change, but my impact did.

Life is a lot like this. It is designed to tire you out and just as you get better at it, it becomes harder. You can choose to have that get you down or choose to run with it. Today may be hard but if you don’t quit and get through tomorrow, it may be just a bit harder, but you will be amazed at where life will take you if you keep running.

Have Fun

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to another incredible episode of The Thursday Blog, packed fulled of anticipation, goodness and a $100 gift card to one of those stores that you don’t go to often (so you put the card aside only to discover it 2 weeks before it expires so you end up spending $100 on pillow cases).

That segway’s nicely into this week’s episode called:

Why do gift cards expire?

Birthdays, weddings, farewell’s and welcome home’s are all great opportunities to be given that universally recognised gift: “The Gift Card”

Before the invention of the Gift Card the world was really in a bad state. People had two and a half options. Option 1 was to spend hours thinking about something they would like and go and buy it. This sounds like the best option in theory but there are some complications that dampen it’s effects. It is fine if your best friend is giving you the present because they probably know what you want; but what about your strange Uncle Lou that gives you a calculator every year and says it is the latest technology and then screams “what is that” when your mobile phone rings. Option 2 was to give cash. This option was reserved for the elderly as a reward for many years of buying presents for their children, once they became grandparents it was all cash from there on. Also uncle and aunties who were interstate or in another country could use this as well for their nieces and nephews because no one wanted good present money to be wasted on postage. The half option is also cash and it could be used by those not in the categories mentioned above. This was cash given for a specific purpose, generally when the person wanted something large and expensive and might have to wait for Christmas and do a few more paper deliveries to get it. This was a golden way out for parents, relatives, and friends as there just needed to be a side comment “it’s to go towards that bike you really want”.

Now all these options still exist but the gift card has added a whole new dimension. Finally we have a quick and easy solution to getting a birthday present. Simply find out what store the person likes and get them a gift card. Better yet, if you can’t be bothered finding out what store they like, get them one of those network chain gift cards that can be used in a variety of stores, or at a certain shopping centre. This is what we call the machine gun approach. Come out firing with as many options as possible and hopefully one will hit the target that you can’t even see.

Suddenly the art of gift-giving has been thrown out the window as people flock to grab a gift card. But is it the the best option? It does have a lot of positives but it has one major flaw. Most of them have an expiry date.

This doesn’t make sense. Shops should be grateful that instead of someone receiving a gift of cash that can be used anywhere in the world, they have been given a gift that has to be used at that one store. So why do they only give you a year to use it? It is like your boss on payday saying “now don’t spend this all at once, but also make sure you use it by December otherwise I have to take it back.”

I am not a big fan of gift cards because I am constantly buying things from the stores that I have a gift card for and paying cash; and then realising later I could of used that stupid card I was given. This is all because the person thought cash was unthoughtful. Cash is not unthoughtful, cash is useful! Saying I have to buy something from a certain store or group of stores by a certain date is slightly unthoughtful. Saying I have to carry around another card in my wallet along with my credit cards, medicare (australian health system) card, driver’s license, and my 42 different rewards cards that I have only collected between 1-3 stamps each on (and have to get 7 more to get a free burger/sushi roll/sandwich/cookie/hot chocolate/dvd rental); is slightly unthoughtful. Why would I want another card????

There has to be another way. Well there is.

I have worked out a new way to get the reaction of the original giving, but the convenience and time-saving of the gift card. In some cases it can even be as good as cash. Are you interested now?

Step one: Go to one of those big department stores with a blanket return policy.
Step two: Buy something, anything to the value that you would spend on a gift card.
Step three: Give the gift with a big smile on your face.

The person will open the present and probably looked shocked. The chances are that they will not like your gift but they will give you that fake charity smile. But very soon their fake smile will turn into a real smile when they find the receipt with the note “feel free to exchange”. They can take it to the store and get something they like or even exchange it for a gift card or credit or they can even get cash for it. It is up to them. So instead of a gift card or cash you give them something they can turn into anything they choose; but it let’s them know that you actually care because you have tried!!!

Have Fun

Dan

Hello everyone and welcome to The Thursday Blog, filled with sugar, glucose and an advert that says 98% fat free; even though it is 108% sugar which will turn into fat.

I think it may be time for a series.

I don’t usually write series’ but I thought I would give it a go. But instead of doing a traditional series and spend 4-27 weeks on it, I am going to do one this week and then randomly continue the series in the future. This is a positive for you the reader and a positive for me the writer. Your positive is that it keeps each week exciting as you don’t know which episode you are going to get. My positive is that if the series does not work I can simply retire the idea but pretend the next part is just around the corner. This way I don’t have to go through the embarrassing task of admitting failure.

This series is called “What can we learn from…” and today’s episode is called:

“What can we learn from Musicals”

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I am a big musical fan. Start with a big opening number, introduce a few main characters, throw in a plot line and another song, bring in a funny character that only appears for one scene but is a crowd favourite and has one amazing song and dance number, bring in some drama, then go to an interval. This explains the highs and lows of the musicals that I love.

Now with this series I want to start with the most cliche, boring and unable to walk (lame) lessons that you may have heard before, or even used before – sorry if I embarrass you. This will give me the fun opportunity afterwards to poke fun at my own suggestions as well as let’s you appreciate that The Thursday Blog is not a normal blog and is far from predictable.

So here are the boring ones.

What we can learn from Musicals -

(1) Be bold, face your fears and dance in public
Nice, go the old “free yourself from shyness but embarrass yourself trick”. There is a difference between being bold and standing up for what you believe in; and being ridiculous and trying to bust a move in the car park to boost your self-confidence. I am a big advocate of dancing in public but only when I feel like I want to, not to become more confident. The only reason they do it in musicals is because people are paying to see them to. Rule of thumb: if you feel silly, you look silly.

(2) Always take time to take a break, just like the intervals.
In the middle of the musicals there is a 25 minute interval and you are trying to relate that to life? Is that all I get? 25 minutes a day??? Man I better finish this episode soon and get back to my 23 hours and 35 minutes of work to do a day.

(3) Life is like a show, and you are the lead actor
Isn’t that nice, I really appreciate that. All I want to know is if I am the lead actor for my show, how many shows are out there? Close to 7 billion? If all of them are lead acting in their show, who is going to come and see mine? My ticket sales have gone to an all time low. Maybe I can get a job in the band for someone else’s show.

Now I have given you the possible bad analogy’s, here is my incredible and original one:

Expression can lead to discovery

In every musical the lead character faces a major issue that they can’t get their head around. Seeing they don’t have the ability to do a montage they usually burst into song. This is the major “turning” song that through expressing their heartfelt frustration. They discover something that is much more powerful than a solution. They discover the issue.

Do you burst into song when you are wrestling with a problem? No, me neither but how do you express yourself? One of the ways I do it is I write. A perfect example is when I visited my hometown last year I was haunted with a strange feeling and I couldn’t work out what it was. I started to write a Thursday Blog episode not knowing if it would turn into anything or be able to be used and I discovered the issue. I was so happy I posted the episode called “the life that once was“. I would not have made that discovery if I didn’t have that outlet of expression.

So is it writing, playing guitar, chatting to a friend or chatting to yourself? Is it painting, poetry, building or destroying? You may not need to burst into these types of “songs” often; but when you do, make sure you know what you need to do to express yourself.

Have fun

Dan