March 25th, 2010

Hello and Welcome to another mind-boggling episode of The Thursday Blog, the only blog in history to be a prime suspect in a murder case.

The year was 1995 and in a little town called London, England a man by the name of Steven had just moved into a little unit in the suburb of “Swiss Cottage”. Steven had just arrived from sunny California and wanted to start a new life in the UK. The first few weeks he found it hard to get used to the raining, fog-filled, bleak weather that the Bristish get to enjoy during their summer. He was settling into his tiny unit that cost the same as the house he sold back home. The units are expensive because London is a popular place – it is all about location, location, location! He tried to buy a bigger place but he would have had to move far away from the city…… to about Amsterdam. It had been 3 weeks since he arrived and he was about to unpack his last box.

The one thing you need to know about Steven is that he hates his name. Not that there is anything wrong his first name but it is his last name that really lets him down. His last name was Jeff. Now there have been a lot of great Jeff’s over history but none of them had that name as their last. Why? Because it is a First Name. This has caused confusion all throughout Steven’s life. A typical experience when he makes a phone call to a company:

“Hello, welcome to (insert annoying company name here that generally makes you wait 40mins to talk to them), how can I help you?”

“Yes hi, this is Steven, how are you?”

Now Steven always started off his conversations being polite. Because he doesn’t get straight to the point and tell them how they can help him, but rather starts with showing concern for their well-being; most company employees cannot handle this.


Steven: “Are you there?”

“Hello welcome to (insert annoying company name here that generally makes you wait 40mins to talk to them), how can I help you?”

“umm…. okay fine. I need a copy of my recent bill sent out to me please”.

“Certainly sir, can you tell me your last name?”


“…………um thanks, and now can you tell me your last name sir?”

“I just did”

“…………. I’m sorry Mr Ijustdid we have no record of you”.

The other thing you need to know is that Steven has only one friend in London and that is a goldfish by the name of Smith. Yes Steven did give his goldfish a last name for a first name which goes to show that Steven is a funny guy that would be a great friend. Yet he had none.

There could be many theories as to why Steven was friend-less but none of them have been thought up because nobody knows him to do the pondering. Steven was happy spending his time with Smith keeping himself occupied by unpacking. But alas the last box was almost unpacked. Once Steven had finished putting away the last of his CD collection that he didn’t really know why he had kept (as they were now all stored on his itunes); he found himself not knowing what to do. He sat and opened the London Times. It was a Thursday, and as every other Thursday, the London Times published the latest episode. Don’t be surprised, of course they had to, once USA Today started the trend.

Steven started to read and he was inspired. Like many readers of the blog he started to believe in himself that he could go out there, make friends, and start the new life that he had always wanted. He jumped up and threw down the article in the air and yelled out “I CAN DO IT”…… Then he heard a SMASH!!

The Thursday Blog had flew out of his hand and had knocked over Smith’s fish bowl. There laid Smith on the ground, fighting for his life. Steven rushed to the vet hospital cradling a cup of water with Smith lying in it, only slightly turned on his back, but still holding on. As soon as the vet saw Smith, he rushed him into the O.R. leaving Steven to wait.

As Steven waited in the room that adequately named his activity (waiting!); he thought that if anything happened to Smith he would call the police and have the world famous Blog sent to jail for murder. Was this the end of The Thursday Blog????

I hope you think about that last question as the answer is obviously yes, seeing as you are reading the thing that is proposed to have finished 15 years ago.

After 8 hours of waiting the doctor walked out to let Steven know that Smith was as good as new. Steven jumped for joy and gave the doctor a hug. As he let go he realised that this Doctor is about his age, incredibly attractive, and more importantly, a woman. Steven plucked up the courage and asked her on a date. And that was the start of Steven’s new life.

So The Thursday Blog was cleared of any allegations of murder and is still around today (as you are reading it). The only crime The Thursday Blog has ever committed was to let this intro get totally out of hand and take up the entire episode.

Have Fun.


This entry was posted on Thursday, March 25th, 2010 at 12:01 am and is filed under The Main Event!!!. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “Intro”

  1. Jeff Hawkins Says:

    Wow, no other blogger has the ability to keep my attention to such nonsense for that long, you have a serious gift! I love it! Did the Doctor that he started his new life with have two last names? just curious… I’m really into this story, I beg for a part 2! does he name his child with a last name as a first name, because the poor child has no choice to have a first name as a last name…

  2. The Thursday Blog » Blog Archive » But I just wanted some custard Says:

    [...] Once again the new intro series have not started. For those who have just joined us I must explain that I usually have an intro for each blog that is more clever than simply ‘Hello Everyone’. Then the intro turns into a series as it runs week after week slightly changing the start and slowly increasing the back story. After a while it completely gets out of hand. I am talking so out of hand that once the intro covered the entire episode. I got to the end a of the intro, saw the word count at the 800 word mark (the infamous word limit that all episodes seem to stick to) and just have enough left to write ‘Have Fun’. You can see such a spectacle here. [...]

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